Sex By Appointment

One of the most common reasons couples cite for not having sex is a lack of time. Somehow, everything else - including a lot of small stuff they don't really care about - takes priority over making love with the person who matters most. People are tired and stressed and have so many demands on their energy and attention that in the course of a day (or a week or, alas, a month) they just can't seem to find a free moment for each other. They think they will get around to it later, but later they are still caught up in the same old cycle of chores, errands, and obligations.

What do busy people do when they want to makes sure they get something important done? They make an appointment!

At first the idea of scheduling sex may seem strange. Isn't spontaneity necessary for sexual enjoyment? Not really.

• You can pick the right time. Why worry that a stolen moment will be interrupted, or that you won't have enough time to really savor an opportunity? Just as you would for any appointment, set aside enough time for everything you want to do. Whether it's a quickie or an entire afternoon, you won't feel pressured.
• A sure thing reduces anxiety. Without a plan, there can be a lot of doubt. If you make the first move, will your partner be receptive, or will one of you be too tired or too busy? Is there a chance tonight? This week? Must you wait for the right mood? What if you miss your partner's signals? With an appointment, there's no concern about timing or availability. You can relax and have fun.
  
• Anticipation increases excitement. Think about it. When you were dating, you made plans several days in advance. Looking forward to the occasion gave you a good feeling, and as the time got closer, your interest and energy rose. The preparation -- showering, shaving, fixing your hair, putting on makeup, choosing the right clothes -- added to your sense of anticipation. When the time came, you were ready to have fun. As a busy couple, you may not always be able to go out for a date, but you can still enhance your enjoyment with the buildup of excitement that comes from anticipating a special time together.