Entertainment or Relaxation?

I once attended a lecture by a psychologist who said that none of us can expect to be a source of entertainment for our spouses for long. He said that most people have a very limited number of stories to tell. Eventually your spouse will have heard all of yours, many of them more than once. Gradually, a few old stories get dropped and a few new ones get added, but it doesn't matter. Now, your spouse has not only heard all those stories, but has experienced many of them personally. What once was entertaining is now boring, and even a bit annoying. If you are a public speaker or professional entertainer, the situation may be even worse. Your spouse is proud of your achievements, but he or she has seen your act enough times. Nobody enjoys living with a performer who is always "on".

The psychologist advised that instead of trying to entertain our partners, we should become a source of relaxation for them. Your home and your marriage can be a welcome haven from the problems and stresses of the outside world. Feeling relaxed and refreshed, both physically and mentally, enables you to renew your energy and enjoy life together.

Here are some ways couples can help each other relax.

• Unwind at the end of the work day. This may mean allowing some conversation-free time, such as a chance to check the sports scores online or read the paper, 20 minutes in a recliner, or quietly watching the sunset together while sipping a cool beverage.
• Reconnect. The classic "how was your day" conversation keeps couples in touch and involved with each other. Eating dinner together, making plans for the weekend, and interacting with your children are simple ways to reinforce your sense of togetherness.
• Get physical. Touching the one you love makes you both feel good, physically and emotionally. Gently touch your partner's arm while you talk, hold hands when you walk somewhere together, cuddle on the couch while you listen to music, pat your sweetheart on the bottom or the shoulder as you pass each other in the hallway. Give a shoulder rub or foot massage.
• Get even more physical. Moving your body is good for your health, relieves stress and improves your emotional state. When you get a little exercise together, you share those good feelings. Exercise doesn't mean you have to work out at the gym. Take a walk in the park, go bowling or visit an ice rink, rent bicycles, go out dancing, or play basketball with the kids.
• Play games. Games take your mind off of everything else and get you to focus on fun and friendly competition. Dust off those old board games or find the deck of cards that's been sitting at the back of the kitchen junk drawer. You can involve the whole family, or play one-on-one. Spend a half hour playing online games with each other in real time.
• Let other people entertain you. The two of you can sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. Go to a movie, a play, or a sports event. Watch a new show on TV or browse the Internet together. Go out to dinner with another couple and listen to some of their stories.
• Be lazy together. Sometimes doing nothing is the most satisfying form of self-indulgence. Spend all day Saturday in your pajamas, snacking, napping, reading the comics, and napping.
• Have sex. No further explanation required.